The Mad Poet of the Year blog posts share the poetry of a long-time Mad Poet. This year-long appointment provides readers with a deep dive of the writer’s work and thoughts on poetry. We are thrilled to have Bill Van Buskirk serve as the Mad Poet of the Year for 2025.
NUDE BEACH
I sing the body electric.
Walt Whitman
I had just buried a wife and wasn’t good at parties
but Chris and Fiona said I just had to get out.
I was terrified—the thought of all those bodies—
hot, swarming, close—would I have an erection
in front of all those people? Would I die
of embarrassment?
At first it was a blur of body parts and blemishes—
a bombardment coming at me all at once—
too much for any metaphor—what to call them—
boobs, teats, pendulous sagging dugs?
Scars, moles, zits, wounds, scabs?
Cocks angling between skinny legs
or nesting in the shadows of enormous flopping bellies?
I was ashamed to look. I felt cruel, said nothing.
I’d never seen such a crowd—so naked, public, so stripped
of commercial allure. I knew no language
as physical as they were—nothing but body
and the beating that it takes—each a map
of suffering and innocence.
But they didn’t care what I was thinking.
They were on the move, out in the open, unadorned
except by yellow-toothed smiles and those eyes—
lustrous sheen of something hidden, blazing in the meat—
and gradually I saw myself in them—brooding hominids
scuffling on our gritty crust of beach and what washed up—
shell, kelp, jellied snacks for gulls—everything gone,
but not quite yet.
And when at last I stripped, I was not alone
but undefended, and suffused with day—
blue unfiltered breeze against my skin,
deep, deep almost all the way to what’s beyond us—
amazed that all that vastness could look
right through me and like what it saw,
right through how I’d tensed against it—
and like a tide I slipped away from the hard island
I’d been starving on, began to taste myself again—
sea, sweat, tears, salt.
I had just buried a wife and wasn’t good at parties/ but Chris and Fiona said I just had to get out: It was the summer of 1991. My wife had died at age 35 a few months previously; and I had decided to spend the summer on the west coast, visiting her friends and family. By mid-August I had worked my way up the coast to Vancouver to visit Chris and Fiona, two old university friends. Like many of the folks I had visited, they were unsure how to act in the presence of my grief. So, they decided to invite me to one of their favorite haunts—a nude beach. Chris, in a moment of awkward bonhomie, said “there’s nothing wrong with you that a nude beach won’t cure.” He was right in a way, but I didn’t find that out until later.
I was terrified—the thought of all those bodies—/hot, swarming, close—would I have an erection/in front of all those people? Would I die/of embarrassment?: I was not enthusiastic about the trip. As an “east coast” person, raised on Irish Catholicism, I had imagined nude beaches as places haunted by self-indulgent sinners. But I had no good reason to refuse, since I was a guest and they were so eager to please. So I went along. Fiona assured me that the beach was “clothing optional” but that wasn’t much comfort.
At first it was a blur of body parts and blemishes—/a bombardment coming at me all at once—/too much for any metaphor—what to call them—/boobs, teats, pendulous sagging dugs? /Scars, moles, zits, wounds, scabs?/Cocks angling between skinny legs/or nesting in the shadows of enormous flopping bellies: My first impression of the scene was a blizzard of body parts. There were about 200 nude people on the beach—too many to avoid. So, I was paralyzed by a conflict between wanting to look away and being unable to. Everywhere I looked there was another nude body. As I was crafting the poem, I wanted to capture this profusion in a catalogue of body parts suggestive, not of erotic allure, but of the body’s aging and suffering.
I was ashamed to look/ felt cruel/ said nothing: Ashamed to look at what I couldn’t ignore, I resented everyone I saw. I was reduced to speechlessness. But after a while, as I sat there, watching and looking away, I settled down and something started to change. Anger and discomfort began to morph into something else—amazement.
I’d never seen such a crowd—so naked, public, so stripped/of commercial allure. I knew no language / as physical as they were –nothing but body/ and the beating that it takes—each a map/ of suffering and innocence: As the crowd confronted me with the fullness of its vulnerable nudity, my image of the body began to change. I began to see it, not as a locus of allure or disgust, but as a harbinger of the brutal truths that all life faces. At this point, empathy comes into the picture. I saw that such flagrant, unglamorous nakedness reveals the body’s truth and its fate. These nude, beat-up bodies reminded me of Gael’s death a few months before. Their unglamorous deformity tugged at my sympathy.
But they didn’t care what I was thinking: But then I realized something else about the crowd. No one else seemed to be thinking heavy thoughts like mine. Here, the poem takes yet another turn. For all my morose ruminations, I notice that these people are not suffering in the here and now! Everyone is laughing and having a good time! As I notice this, I begin to ease into their good humor. I settle into the details of their joy.
They were on the move, out in the open, unadorned/ except by yellow-toothed smiles and those eyes/ (that) lustrous sheen of something hidden, blazing in the meat: I notice, also, that they are not completely unadorned. Teeth and eyes are their adornment. Teeth are yellow, not pearly white, which adds a bit of color and gravity. And that other adornment, eyes, seemed to blaze with a keen enjoyment of the moment. And yet all the light that I could see was mere sheen for a deeper “blazing in the meat” I could not name. Call it glee, bliss, joy, manifesting in the body’s unadorned molten vitality—in a defiance of its vulnerabilities. I got caught up in it despite myself. This joy- in- the- face- of- death drew me in. I found there a liveliness I’d been searching for in my own personal grief. It was as if I’d started to re-join the human race.
and gradually I saw myself in them—brooding hominid(s)/ scuffling on our gritty crust of beach and what washed up—/shell, kelp, jellied snacks for gulls—everything gone,/ but not quite yet: the fragility of the crowd mirrored my own. The empathy was complete. I became a part of them—even fully clothed. This sympatico extended to the non-human world, to the remnants of life scattered on every beach, remnants which highlighted the fact that I was alive. There was only one thing left to do.
And when at last I stripped, I was not alone/ but undefended, and suffused with day: At last I joined them in an act that was very different from my experience at the beginning of the poem. I was neither embarrassed nor aroused, but united with something much greater than myself—Eros joined by Cosmos? I was surprised to find myself nestled in a great gentleness indistinguishable from all that was happening in that sunny day. Nature, the elements, weather (and gods?) were gentle with me. Fellow-feeling connected me to the revelers, to the remnants of dead creatures on the beach, and to an intuition of a divine being suffused in it all (blue unfiltered breeze against my skin). Unfiltered by clothes, the gentle breeze took on a vibrancy, a color—of sea and sky, a blue that is both vast and deep.
deep, deep almost all the way to what’s beyond us—amazed that all that vastness could look right through me and like what it saw,/ right through how I’d tensed against it: And so our naked humanness connects us to life, death, human, animal, and cosmos in a vast intimacy that evokes an intuition of a deity. So on that trip to the beach, I found a beginning and an end of grief in a savoring of humanity in all its naked vastness and dimension. And finally…
like a tide I slipped away from the hard island/ I’d been starving on, began to taste myself again—/ sea, sweat, tears, salt.
Bill Van Buskirk’s poems have appeared in The Comstock Review, The Paterson Literary Review, The Mad Poets’ Review and many others. His chapbook, Everything that’s Fragile is Important, received honorable mention in the Jesse Bryce Niles Chapbook contest sponsored by the Comstock Review (2007). His book, This Wild Joy that Thrills Outside the Law, won the Joie de vivre contest sponsored by the Mad Poets’ Review. (2010). His latest book is The Poet’s Pocket Guide to Steady Employment (2023).